Fear of Commitment Stew
“I’m past patiently waiting. I’m passionately smashing every expectation. Every action is an act of creation. ”
Commitment is hard. Let’s look at adults. Anything from relationships to signing leases to paying for that full year gym membership, can feel overpowering. Like you are losing control and somehow that is a terrible thing. Now, let’s take all that fear and anxiety and boil it down to the size of a sixth grader. Sure - some tweens have little inhibition and ooze confidence and creativity at all times. The majority do not. Take that sixth grade boil and add one part zoom school, one part drama class that is being forced on them and two parts fear of judgement from peers. That is one messy fear of commitment stew.
I am currently working on a devised murder mystery play with my sixth graders. Think CLUE but less thought out. The whole thing started with me stepping into the role as a Detective (Boss Detective Frare… to be exact). I told all the students that there was a murder at The Blue Moon Hotel and that they were all suspects, so they had to stay put and answer my questions. The students were … confused. You could see eyes darting around all the little Zoom boxes. Was anyone going to do something crazy and wild? Was anyone going to take up space? They all picked a different first name, some chose to be from another state and they all made themselves of legal drinking age. They answered my questions, ‘Yes, anding’ just the way I had taught them, but other than that it was a pretty boring and uncommitted activity.
We have been playing with these roles, adding scenes and clues, for the last few weeks. The storyline is weird, the murder is random and I am not sure if any of it really makes sense but, the kids devised it themselves and they seem proud of it. However, over the last few days, the commitment to their characters has gone from a gracious 3 to -7. Woof. You can only save a rocky story line with good acting. We all know that.
One day, I started class by asking students to transform their body to take up their whole zoom box. They could do whatever they wanted but they had to be covering as much of the Zoom box as possible. Amorphous shapes appeared in the zoom boxes where the students used to be. I wish I had a photo. Next, I told them to add a voice that also takes up space in their zoom box. Well… then I muted my computer, but their mouths were moving so I assume they did it. When they all came back and sat down, I gave a little pep talk about committing to their characters, taking up space and making bold choices. I told the students ‘Today is commitment day!” Say it with me! They said it sadly. ‘SAY IT LOUDER’ - it got better. I kept building it up until they were all screaming and jumping. (Sorry families)
With my Coach Taylor pep talk behind me, I jumped back in to role as the Detective to ask Calvin (the character) where he was the night of the murder.
‘Well Boss Detective Frare’
(he says in a thick southern accent I had never heard before)
‘My name is Countrymaan Calvin and me and my buddies o’er herrre are in a KAZOOOOOO band’
(*Side Note: I really wish you could hear the way this kid said kazoooo - he held the oooo far too long)
‘We was havin’ a lil ol’ kazoooo concert on the 12th floor’
I had never heard any of this before! Very quickly his two friends jumped in, also in thick southern accents, to confirm said story. They even faked playing the kazoos. Everyone laughed and cheered, giving those three boys the confidence they needed to maintain their newly developed characters. Of course, once there was a positive response, more students jumped in to change things up... to commit.
We now have a very nervous handyman who is scared of his own shadow, a witness who can read people’s auras and a rich man in a limousine who was only in town to buy a casino. There are also a host of other characters, some who are at a 12 and some who sit solidly at a 5 and that’s perfectly okay. That's an improvement.
Commitment is a tricky business, no matter the age. It takes the perfect combination of confidence, comfortability and release. Those muscles take time to build. How many adults do we all know that are afraid of commitment… of diving in? I wonder how many of them ever took a drama class.
My challenge for everyone this week (kids, adults… myself included) - spend 60 extra seconds in your zoom world and figure out how to take up the whole rectangle. Allow yourself a moment to commit to confidence and release. It may not be comfortable all the time - but the good stuff never is.
Oh, and if you are looking for a kazoo band, let Boss Detective Frare know. The band has been ruled out as suspects in the murder. They were indeed playing a concert in room 1204. I heard it was pretty ‘deeeelightfuuulll’
