It's Not All Sunshine and Roses

I tend to equate "Finding Their Light" to having a moment of clarity, excitement or discovery. It's a lightbulb. The time when something clicks. When in that brief moment, I can look at a student and see their future. Okay, I'm making grand statements but the sentiment is real. The moments I write about are generally positive, affirming or hilarious.

However, it's not all heart-warming stories and laughter. Being an arts teacher means, in a lot of ways, that you are at the bottom of the totem pole. I 'just teach drama' or I don't teach 'a real class'. Hundreds of articles from reputable sources can explain how important arts classes are in development, social skills and integrated learning, and yet there is still a disconnect. I am a fun teacher therefore my subject isn't as serious. I ask the students questions about their lives and therefore they don't have to show me the same respect. It's backwards to me but it exists. Oh boy... does it exist.

My classroom has an open door policy. Kids come down to eat lunch, play video games, cry about something, do homework for the class they should currently be in... the list goes on. Since theater is an after thought, to know that my room even exists is a luxury and the students who are in the know take full advantage. Recently my room has been the place students go to cry, scream, study and stress. I feel the anxiety just walking in the building. Did you know that if you don't get an A on your middle school math final you can kiss your chances of getting in to Dartmouth goodbye? No? Me either. But that is what these kids think. Makes me want to scream.

One morning I walked in and there were already about 10 students flooding my room. Some singing and screaming at the top of their lungs (theater kids who find solace in the basement rooms where no one can hear them), some crying in a corner over a bad english essay (bad meaning a B+) and a few were silently sitting and doodling. I was STRESSED. I mean, multiple bags in my hand, exhausted, forgot my coffee at home, all my students have presentations, getting observed, room looks like a bomb hit it, woke up late, stressed. I put my stuff down, made a coffee and then started to make the rounds, heading to the most wounded first.

I went up to one young boy and asked him what was wrong and he started listing off a giant to do of homework. I said 'Ya know. I have a lot to do today so I am a little stressed too. I totally get it..." The next part of that was going to be, come down to my room anytime. But I was cut off.

"What do you have to be stressed about? You teach drama. It's not hard. You get to come have fun every day. That's all you have to do."

I suppose, looking back on it, the sentiment was nice? Right? Drama is fun. I'm glad he enjoys it. I probably have way more fun than a history teacher, although I hate history so I am bias. However, one of my biggest goals is to teach empathy. I teach empathy for other students, for people different than us and even fictional characters who are considered 'the bad guy', but what about empathy for adults? I am sure that parents get a lot of this too. This 'my life is harder than yours so shut up mom' thing, is there a way I can remind my students that I am also a human... with feelings? Sometimes too many feelings, but still.

This is when I came up with the 'teach for me' method. At times, when I feel like classes are taking advantage or when they are acting out,  I pull a student to act as the 'teacher' for a certain activity. They think that it's a privilege because I have given them power and authority. In reality, they all hate. Think about it. You want power and everyone is talking over you. You say something and someone responds with 'no that's not how it goes'. You want to run the class and the class is running you. It feels crazy and extreme. I am giving up my class to students to prove a point? Yes - yes I am. To hear something (respect me) is one thing. To feel something (I am not being respected this sucks), is quite another.

Even though I didn't deploy this activity with the student who told me my job wasn't hard, I did have a post-it on my desk the next day that said. "Sorry Ms. Frare. I just really hate homework'.

So this one is for the teachers: It's not all sunshine and roses. It's not all fantastic students doing fantastic things. It's not all fun. I know that. To only write the good would be unrealistic. Sometimes the 'light' has to come from you shining it in their faces until they are almost blind. Sometimes there is no 'finding', rather you PUSHING them in to it. Either way, the light, those discovery moments have to happen because we, the teachers, care enough to make them happen.